To understand what sexual anxiety is, you must first understand what anxiety is. Anxiety itself is a body defence mechanism that alerts you to a threat, risk, or danger.
Now, even if anxiety is an innate response that helps you survive, it can turn into a disorder if there’s no real threat. Anxiety manifests itself in different ways, with the presence of irrational thoughts, sweating, rapid heartbeat, or rapid breathing.
You can have anxiety in any daily situation, and therefore also in your sexuality. This is called sexual anxiety and it manifests itself in many ways. It can occur at the moment or even just thinking about it. Sex goes from being pleasurable to becoming a real torment.
Causes of Sexual Anxiety
To fight this type of anxiety, it is important that you know the main symptoms and their most relevant causes. We’ll also give you some tips to help you manage it.
Insecurity due to your physique
The causes for which you may suffer this problem are very varied. It is probable that you feel insecure with your body, that you don’t like yourself or that you don’t feel attractive, so you are no longer directly predisposed to having sex as a couple.
In that case, the most important thing is to ask yourself, “Why is this person with me?” Clearly, if someone chooses to have sex with you, it’s because they like you. Shake off the insecurities and get carried away.
Fear of not satisfying
Another very common cause is the fear you feel of not being good in bed, not having the experience, not knowing how to satisfy your partner, not reaching orgasm or not being able to maintain control. There are some sexual dysfunctions that favour the appearance of this type of anxiety such as premature ejaculation, lack of lubrication, loss of desire, anorgasmia or vaginismus.
If that’s what happens to you, breathe and think: What’s the worst that can happen if I don’t reach orgasm? In the worst case, you won’t have an orgasm, but you’ve enjoyed the process, haven’t you? And, with respect to satisfying your partner, always remember that everyone is responsible for their own pleasure. If that person doesn’t enjoy it, they will have to find their own solution, without this falling on you. Here you can read more about female anorgasmia.
Stress and other problems
Stress, emotional blockage, problems with your partner or lack of security caused by sporadic relationships can translate into anxiety or sexual problems such as impotence.
The solution, in this case, is not in the room but outside it. You cannot repair with sex a communication problem or a job that does not motivate you or that your partner sees you as a fling and you need a commitment. Put aside sex and manage what overwhelms you. Only then you will be able to solve it.
Symptoms of Sexual Anxiety
The most common symptoms you may have are tachycardias, palpitations, tremors, dizziness, instability, shortness of breath, dry mouth, tension in the abdomen or neck, and a feeling of losing control or unconsciousness.
All these symptoms you can have at the mere idea of having sex, before starting or during the act itself.
Each person suffers anxiety during intimate moments in a way, but it is important to take steps to cope and overcome it. You can’t look away, because sexual problems will affect your relationship and your quality of life at some point.
It is very common to feel discomfort, worry or anguish during anxiety of this type, so you will end up avoiding sex as a couple, you will not enjoy it and you will feel unable to relax. In the end, you run the risk of entering a circle that could become a major sexual dysfunction. Here you can take a sexuality test to analyse your current situation.
Tips for Ending Sexual Anxiety
If you feel identified with these symptoms, it is advisable to seek the help of a professional to help you reverse it and control the situation. Doing it alone can be tricky, although you obviously have to do your part. If you need help from a sexuality expert, trust TherapyChat.
#1.- Find the source of the problem
It is important that you adopt a retrospective attitude that helps you know the origin of what is happening to you. If you’ve always enjoyed your relationships and now have sexual problems, check when you started feeling bad or avoiding sex. Understanding what’s going on and why is the first step in sex therapy.
#2.- Share what’s happening to you with your partner
Communication with your partner is the basis of your relationship. Explain what is happening to you so that they know what you are going through and can help you. One of the most important tips in sexual psychology is to encourage communication to encourage empathy in intimacy.
#3.- Learn to know how and take care of your body
A woman’s body is a great mystery even to ourselves. We’ve grown up with prejudices and misconceptions about what it’s like to enjoy sex, so we have to learn to know each other to know what we like and what makes us enjoy most.
It is also important that you take care of your diet and exercise, as you will feel better about yourself, increase your self-esteem and your security. Loving yourself and accepting yourself will help you improve your sexual relations and reduce the level of self-demand.
#4.- Avoid pressures and set your own pace
Each person is different, so you need to set your own pace. There are women who need to know their partner better in order to have sex and others who do it on the first date. Don’t let anyone pressure you, do things when you want to do them or when you feel ready. Listen to your body and mind.
This type of anxiety can be symptomatic of some other problem, so it’s important to rule out that it’s a physical issue or that it’s the result of some medicine you’re taking. Follow these tips and consult a professional who accompanies you to overcome this situation and recover the pleasure in your sexual relations.
If you want to improve your level of well-being, in TherapyChat we can help you. We are international leaders in online psychology and we have the right therapist for you.